#145 Lucka' here Huck, do you want to go to heaven?

We apologize for the rambling nature of what follows, but the teletype’s been clicking nonstop at ConstiToonies HQ these last few days, and we’ve been barely able to sort out the following. 

Apparently the first thing Putin did when he landed in Alaska was look around covetously, wondering he could get this former Russian territory back as part of the land grab in Ukraine. Then his BFF Donnie came bounding down the red carpet to greet him, presenting him with a “Vlad + Don = 4Ever” friendship bracelet, and after a lot of pointless chitchat the two men held a joint press conference to announce, uh, nothing, except maybe that Vlad could have whatever he wanted as long as he kept Alaska out of bargaining. Deal or no deal? Who knew? Certainly not Zelensky, who called up his Euro buds to back him on his trip a few days later to D.C. Volodymyr, armed with a letter from his wife to Trump's wife and a ceremonial golf club, did pretty well overall. Not only did Trump not throw Ukraine to the wolves (yet), he even gave VZ a personal tour of his hat collection. (No, we’re not making that up.)

In other news, Texas took a break from redistricting (so much easier than actually campaigning) to declare the measles epidemic over with hardly any dead people to speak of, although the plague still rages in a couple of other states where the resident dunderheads futilely continue to scarf down all the cod liver oil they can get their hands on. Speaking of redistricting, the Speaker of the House, third in line for the presidency, came out strongly against it. In California, that is, where the evil democrats were doing it. As for Texas, Shine on, Lone Star. And on the Posse Comitatus front, it seems that there really are some tough neighborhoods in DC, and the federal troops are doing their best to avoid them, hanging out instead at the tourist areas. They’re thinking of putting one of those big ferris wheels next to the Washington Monument just to keep the soldiers busy. That would certainly beat fighting crime.

So, as we said, the ticker keeps ticking, and it’s hard to keep up. Things were a lot quieter back in the Coolidge administration.