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#200 In which we bid a fond farewell

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The executive committee at ConstiToonies has decided that, with our 200th post, we are riding off into the sunset. It’s not that the man of wealth and taste and his cabinet of curiosities is no longer worthy of our attention, but we simply can no longer keep up. When we look at our notes of just the last few days we see potential comics on: The stiffening of the tests for becoming a US citizen Pete Megadeath barring the military from discussing his playing battleship with the Venezuelans For that matter, plans to invade our archenemy Venezuela to give our battle-hardened troops—direct from the bloodstained streets of Portland and Chicago—something to keep their skillsets intact The plummeting sales at the Trump-led Kennedy Center, because you can just see Cats and The Sound of Music so many times (and also the building is falling apart) Trump declaring that any anti-Trump content should be literally outlawed A quote from Mike Johnson forgetting who he supported for president a...
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#199 In which we do not abandon ship

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The Democratic Shutdown Hoax seems to be drawing to a close, although we here at ConstiToonies HQ are rather baffled at His Majesty’s description of it as a hoax. Seemed pretty real to us, add to which we did slightly sense that the combination of Republican congress and Republican executive branch might bear at least a tad of the blame for it. The man of wealth and taste wrote a long screed on social media about how he was rewarding air traffic controllers who showed up for work—calling them GREAT PATRIOTS—with a $10G bonus. We would advise these poor folks upon whom a lot of burden was indeed placed not to spend that money until it is safely in their pockets. Trump is “recommending” it, he says, which is not the same as actually doing it. Keep in mind that he has just stiffed the GREAT PATRIOTS who demolished the East Wing for him, the latest in a long line of the master builder’s notorious stiffs. And speaking of stiffs, we love that photo of himself standing stiffly by ignoring the...
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#198 In which the man of wealth and taste wants to help everybody.

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We asked the ConstiToonies Parsing team to demystify this quote: “Largely, when you talk about SNAP, you’re talking about largely Democrats. But I’m president. I want to help everybody. I want to help Democrats and the Republicans. But when you’re talking about SNAP, if you look it’s largely Democrats. They’re hurting their own people.” Translation: “Largely, I want to feed all the hungry people, except largely the Democrats, who are all largely antifa immigrant terrorist SCUM who don’t worship me, so no harm there letting those non-Americans starve to death. Largely.” We understand a new Feed The Republicans (and only the Republicans) initiative is in the works. 
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#197 In which we are not leaving on a jet plane

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Usually the ConstiToonies staff heads out for points unknown on the weekends, but with the government shutdown evacuating most of our favorite airports, we will be forced to staycate for the next few days and ponder things like Tesla shareholders approving a trillion dollar package for Elon Musk. Unlike most people across the globe, Tesla shareholders apparently don’t follow the news about Tesla sales or, well, Tesla in general, or, for that matter, Elon Musk. Then there’s Wole Soyinka getting his US visa revoked because of the unthinkable: the Nobel Prize winner criticized Donald Trump. How could anyone do such a thing? And then there’s the just announced renovation of the Lincoln bathroom in stunning gold and marble, reflective, says the boss, of Lincoln’s own times. Honest Abe probably pooped more often in the outhouse than in some palace of gilded splendor, but if anyone knows the inner workings of the mind of Abraham Lincoln, it’s Donald J. Trump.   So until the airports go b...
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#196 In which … [etc etc etc etc] … Burma-Shave!

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This was a new one on the ConstiToonies folks outside of our crack Medical Team. It’s called pseudofolliculitis barbae, a condition that causes skin distress after shaving. It’s estimated to affect over half of Black men and about zero percent of white men. And good old Pete Megadeath, the white man Secretary of the newly named Hootin’ and Hollerin’ Department, has now eliminated longterm medical waivers for folks suffering from the condition. After all, Petey is cracking down on facial hair in general—and women, and flabby brass, although apparently slim, trim Donald Trump gets a pass whenever he waddles through the halls of the Pentagon. We understand that Megadeath is so anti-beaver he even refuses to treat his sore throat with Smith Brothers Cough Drops, although that may just be a rumor; Trade and Mark were unavailable for comment. Hashtag MAWA, hashtag Make America White Again.   
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#195 In which we head to the Finland Station

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N othing much new came from the man of wealth and taste’s reaction to the off-year election yesterday. To begin with, the Republicans’ poor showing was a result of himself not being on the ballot, and then there’s the whole mail-in ballot rant, etc., etc., etc. He saves his strongest venom for the anti-American mayor elect of New York, who will no doubt be pushing the city steadily into the toilet for the next 4 years. Given that Mamdani is not white, Muslim, and on top of that a democratic socialist (as are the Scandinavian countries, BTW), he pretty much checks off all the boxes on Trump’s knee-jerk hate list. The only thing we saw of note was Mr. T's comment about Mamdani that his “principles have been tested for over a thousand years, and never once have they been successful.” We’re guessing that means what Trump calls Mamdani’s inherent Communism. According to the ConstiToonies arithmetic department, this would mean that Karl Marx was born some time around the turn of the mill...
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#194 In which tomorrow belongs to them

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The Department of Labor has finally found a use for all those out-of-work Aryan supremacist artists we all always worry about. They call it the Blue Collar Boom ad campaign, and it mostly features young Nazis who surreptitiously moonlight as Chuck Tingle cover models. (No offense to Dr. Tingle.) You can get some details and some art for your playroom at https://boingboing.net/2025/10/27/trump-labor-dept-promotes-aryan-workforce-in-creepy-nazi-style-ad-campaign.html . We here at ConstiToonies HQ think that this is simply a result of the man of wealth and taste’s latest refugee policy, bringing the annual number down from 125,000 to 7,500. The thing is, that lucky 7,500 are mostly those desperate racially abused White war-torn South Africans that populate Trump’s private mythology. They’re all going to need jobs, and we can’t imagine the children of apartheid being unhappy at seeing their old culture’s ideals so lovingly presented to them.   The sun on the meadow is summery warm…
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