#134 Frankly, we find rule 25 a reasonable reaction to the entire proceedings

The man of wealth and taste in the White House has come up with a fitting way of celebrating our country’s semiquincentennial. “We’re going to have a UFC fight on the grounds of the White House. We have a lot of land there. Every one of our national parks, battlefields and historic sites are going to have special events in honor of America 250. And I even think we’re going to have a UFC fight."

Since we suspect that the vast ConstiToonies audience is not particularly up-to-date on Ultimate Fighting, we post here the fouls as listed by Nevada State Athletic Commission:

1. Head-butting

2. Eye-gouging

3. Biting

4. Hair pulling

5. Fish-hooking

6. Groin attacks

7. Putting a finger into any orifice or into any cut or laceration on an opponent (see Fish-hooking)

8. Small joint manipulation

9. Striking to the spine or the back of the head (see Rabbit punch)

10. Throat strikes of any kind, including, without limitation, grabbing the trachea

11. Clawing, pinching or twisting the flesh

12. Grabbing the clavicle (collarbone)

13. Kicking to the kidney with the heel

14. Spiking an opponent to the canvas on the head or neck (see Piledriver)

15. Throwing an opponent out of the ring or fenced area

16. Holding the shorts or gloves of an opponent

17. Spitting at an opponent or the referee

18. Engaging in unsportsmanlike conduct that causes an injury to an opponent

19. Holding or grabbing the ropes or the fence

20. Using abusive language in the ring or fenced area

21. Attacking an opponent on or during the break

22. Attacking an opponent who is under the care of the referee

23. Attacking an opponent after the bell (horn) has sounded the end of a round

24. Flagrantly disregarding the instructions of the referee

25. Timidity, including, without limitation, avoiding contact with an opponent, intentionally or consistently dropping the mouthpiece or faking an injury

26. Interference by the corner

27. Throwing in the towel during competition

28. Applying any foreign substance to the hair, body, clothing or gloves immediately prior to or during a contest or exhibition that could result in an unfair advantage

29. If the referee has signaled that the opponent has been knocked out, striking an opponent who is helpless as a result of previous blows and so supported by the ring or fenced area that he or she does not fall

30. Striking deliberately at the part of the body over the kidneys

31. Intentionally spitting out the mouthpiece

Fouls against a grounded opponent

1. Kicking the head of a grounded opponent (see soccer kick)

2. Kneeing the head of a grounded opponent

3. Stomping a grounded opponent

When a foul is charged, the referee, in their discretion, may deduct one or more points as a penalty. If a foul incapacitates a fighter, then the match may end in a disqualification if the foul was intentional, or a no contest if unintentional. If a foul causes a fighter to be unable to continue later in the bout, it ends with a technical decision win to the injured fighter if the injured fighter is ahead on points, otherwise it is a technical draw.