#174 In which all that glitters is gold as far as we’re concerned

Not since Marie Laveau was chanting her way around Congo Square in the 19th Century has voodoo been this popular in the United States, the Trump administration having taken up where the Voodoo Queen of New Orleans left off. For instance, Karoline (“Lips”) Leavitt shared a thought on Instagram that an earthquake in Utah after the murder of Charlie Kirk is proof that "God is angry." Presumably if we sacrifice a few virgins or whatever, the gods will be appeased, although the singular God might look askance at the inherent paganism in this line of thinking. Presumably this is the same busybody God (or gods) who protected Trump from an assassin’s bullet back during the 2024 presidential campaign, although our chaplain here at ConstiToonies HQ thinks that if God (or the gods) were all that interested in our daily business He (or they) wouldn’t have had some character taking potshots at the candidate in the first place. On a related front, regardless of whether we’re throwing our fairest maidens into volcanoes, we have now officially thrown Tylenol down the lava chute. RFK, Jr., AKA the Kennedy Curse V.2025, promised to provide the name of the autism culprit this September, and he and his team of crackheads crack team of non-medicos have pooled their little gray cells since that announcement and Tylenol is definitely what they have come up with. And if that isn’t enough to stir up and roll over the inhabitant of a certain tomb at St. Louis Cemetery No. 1, the White House is presently considering setting up a website for Americans to get their drugs online, and—seriously—are going to brand it with the name of our “drinking bleach cures covid” Commander-in-Chief. TrumpRx leads the pack of possibilities at the moment, but we hear that Tono-Bungay, That Good Old-Fashioned Medicated Goo, and Miracle Max’s Magickal Medicine Kabinet are also in the running. 

Would you buy your medicines from Donald Trump?