#234 In which now is the time for all good Pocket Monsters…

Our annual ConstiToonies retreat at Mar-a-Lago was cancelled this last weekend due to the uncertainly of getting through airport security in under twenty hours. It got us to wondering if there was ever a time in our history when Congress comprised two differing ways of viewing government action that managed to find a way to act satisfactorily to both sides, or if it has always been one side with a view of government action and the other side of traitorous evil LOSER terrorist non-Christian ideologues whose only goal is leaving the country an empty post-apocalyptic desert. We have to admit we’re on the fence.

We are, meanwhile, a bit backed up in comic-worthy business, and our enforced home stay is probably a good time to clean some of it out. For instance, at his own retreat for House Republicans the man of wealth and taste claimed that "no other president could do some of this shit I’m doing." For once we agree with him. For instance, given that the price of gas today is about equal to the cost of four years of college, what other president would be steadily slashing federal support for e-vehicles? Or would bemoan the overwhelming success of congestion pricing in Manhattan because, well, he doesn’t like Manhattan and Manhattan apparently doesn’t like him? Protecting Mother Earth will no doubt reach new frontiers when the “God Squad” (we’re not making that up), which is empowered to toss out protections of the Endangered Species Act, meets on March 31. And here’s how the secretary of hootin’ and hollerin’ describes Scouting: “In hyperbolic language, he decried the organization as anti-American and railed against what he called “transgenderism,” “Earth-centered pagan religions” and other “insidious radical woke ideology” that he said had crept into its values.’ We guess that the merit badge in Insidious Radical Woke Ideology is going to be pretty popular going forward. Fifty years ago the image of a scout was helping old ladies cross the street; today it’s checking her identification papers before blowing the whistle on her immigration status. “Be Prepared” takes on a whole new meaning. And then of course there’s the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Usually hosted by a major comedian who pokes fun at the sitting president in attendance at the affair, our sitting president in 2026 has every intention of attending the affair and not being poked fun at by a major comedian. No, Trump has enlisted Oz Pearlman, a mentalist, as the evening's entertainment. Will Pearlman read Donald Trump’s mind, boldly going where no man, woman or child has gone before? The prospects are chilling.

As for the war in Iran, which continues apace, we breathe a sigh of relief that the estimated cost of $891.4 million per day promises to decrease as the US shifts to cheaper ammo and Iran runs out of its own ammo. And who can forget the good old Epstein files (although Trump wishes we would)? The DOJ admits to removing about 48,000 files from the database, including allegations against you-know-who. And, oh, yeah. One last thing. RFK, Jr., is now going after Dunkin’ Donuts. There goes the New England vote.