#265 In which we play catch-up ball

 It’s been forever and then some since we last posted. It’s not as if the government has suddenly come to its senses—it’s a little too late for that. But the ConstiToonies HQ team has been traveling, to Washington, D.C., of all places. We avoided the obvious, like the golf course where they’ve been dumping toxic waste from the demolished East Wing, or the reflecting pool where the man of wealth and taste’s handpicked pool guys are ripping off the government at levels seldom seen before 47 landed, or the White House where a billion dollars can, allegedly, get you a pretty decent ballroom and a lot of safety measures if you’re willing to batten down the hatches and never leave the premises, or the site of the forthcoming Arc de Trump that will turn Paris into the Paducah of international travel destinations.  Instead we toured the Capitol, where the introductory movie says all this stuff about checks and balances at which we kept looking at one another in stunned disbelief. That all those statues of non-white people in the rotunda haven’t been sent to the basement yet did make us wonder why no one on the 47 cabinet has taken the tour yet. We did a bunch of other traditional touristy things, although mostly this was a fact-finding mission. As we walked past the Senate chamber where he presides, we wondered if JD Vance really does believe that UFOs are the work of demons? We realize he converted recently to Catholicism, but we were unaware that he converted to the Catholicism of the year 476. (JD is also thinking of abandoning the idea of a presidential run in 2028; a weary world rejoices!) We tried to find the place where Trump had brought people back from the dead—"We've taken people that were dead. We had a person given the last rites -- gone, the kids are crying and everything -- and started them on this drug. And the person became better. It works.”—but that particular witches’ laboratory is being kept under wraps. That’s probably also the lab where they give vaccines to babies that are too big: the Commander-in-Chief tells us that they need “much smaller shots.” And although this has nothing to do with our normal beat, we see that Oreos are coming out with a limited-edition BTS flavor. What, we have to wonder, do boy bands taste like? We’ll soon find out.