ConstiToonies

Donald Trump, prior to becoming President—a statement that to this day boggles the mind whenever we type it—devoted his career to putting his name on things. He wasn’t a great architect or urban planner or visionary or business executive, despite his demurrals claiming all of these. He made his money by selling his name to people. That was it. Period. The buyers believed that using this name, putting it on a hotel or apartment building or the like, would add enough of a layer of class to warrant the expense. And there certainly are people who believe that all you need is gilt. Which is why we here at ConstiToonies HQ are surprised neither by the man of wealth and taste today putting his name on everything he sees in the neighborhood, nor by his decorating of the White House in goldenesque self-awarded trophies. None of this is new, yet when himself decided his name should go on the dollar bill, suddenly the media was all over the whole TrumpStamping business as if they had never heard ...

 

 

 

Our annual ConstiToonies retreat at Mar-a-Lago was cancelled this last weekend due to the uncertainly of getting through airport security in under twenty hours. It got us to wondering if there was ever a time in our history when Congress comprised two differing ways of viewing government action that managed to find a way to act satisfactorily to both sides, or if it has always been one side with a view of government action and the other side of traitorous evil LOSER terrorist non-Christian ideologues whose only goal is leaving the country an empty post-apocalyptic desert. We have to admit we’re on the fence. We are, meanwhile, a bit backed up in comic-worthy business, and our enforced home stay is probably a good time to clean some of it out. For instance, at his own retreat for House Republicans the man of wealth and taste claimed that "no other president could do some of this shit I’m doing." For once we agree with him. For instance, given that the price of gas today is abo...

 

Some days you get more news than you want. This was one of those days.   The Strait of Hormuz is backed up and threatening to crash the world economy, not to mention crashing American wallets at the gas pump, and when Trump asked his allies for some help nuking it back to the Stone Age, they were all out of their offices. Trump responded by saying we really didn’t need their help, it was just a test. We here at ConstiToonies HQ aren’t sure which is worse, that we needed help or that when we didn’t get it we bragged about not needing it, claiming we were just pulling their chains. American diplomacy at its finest.   And one potential ground war not being enough, Trump now has vowed to “take” Cuba. Since when does the USA go around "taking" countries? Then again, we hear that Russia has softened Ukraine enough that maybe our Supreme Leader might turn his attention there to finish the job. We could take back Chernobyl for a start.   On the bright side, the courts have struc...

     Meet Consty, our new mascot. We broke a lot of AI sources and swam through a lot of slop to get this to our loyal followers. Those of you who think Claude is the Next Big Thing should ask it to create something a la R. Crumb. No wonder the Department of Hootin’ and Hollerin’ wants to ban Anthropic.  

Not to put too fine a point on it as Mr. Snagsby would say— Bleak House is the ConstiToonies Book Club choice this month—but the reader of today’s New York Times had the choice of Trump’s Iran War, the most poorly planned excursion since Icarus glued on a pair of wings and headed upwards, and articles about the mellifluously voiced Bill Kurtis retiring from “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” and the styles that made Liza Minnelli an icon. The latter set also included a pan of “Scarpetta”—we had been hopeful—and coverage of comics artist Klaus Janson’s show at a gallery in Chelsea. Our point is that, perhaps, there are at least distractions from the disaster that is the Trump Administration, which now includes his sycophant Johnwaynegacy Muffin, and that we don’t have to solely sink into that morass to get through our morning coffee. But it’s a close race that must be fought daily. The article about the government’s use of entertainment memes to promote the war runs perilously close to making ...

 

 

And its one, two, three, What are we fightin’ for? Don’t ask me cause I don’t give a damn, Next stop is old Teheran   RIP Country Joe McDonald

And it has begun. During the 45 administration, the man of wealth and taste seemed to start firing his box of monkeys cabinet as soon as he had sworn them in. With 47, he’s apparently taking his time, letting them first completely destroy whatever area of government for which they’re allegedly responsible before dropping the axe. We here at ConstiToonies HQ all agree, for example, that if ICE isn’t the most reviled operation in the entire world history of fascist regimes, it sure as hell comes close. We’re assuming from Noem’s unexpected (?) rapid departure that perhaps DJT is setting a precedent, and maybe he has a number of dead babies in mind that, once RFKJr exceeds it on his score card, it’ll then be off with his worm-eaten head as well. And another one bites the dust. Megadeth and Rubio will no doubt take the heat when the Middle East war spreads up to around Dublin or so—although the Iranians can have Spain, if they want it—and when there’s too many American casualties for our ...

Speaking of Muttonheads (see below), Sean Duffy, our country’s astute Transportation Secretary, declared on X that President Donald Trump has the "Best Cabinet since 1776.” He followed up on this with his rendition of that old favorite, “Don’t Know Much About History…”

 

Let us sum up one particular news item for you. The folks at Anthropic do not want its AI used for surveillance of Americans or deployed in humans-free autonomous weapons. Apparently Pete Megadeth, cabinet director of the Department of Fussin’ and Feudin’, and others in the Administration, including the man of wealth and taste himself, believe otherwise, that is, that we should use AI for surveillance of Americans and it should be deployed in humans-free autonomous weapons. According to Claude, who might right now be looking over your shoulder, both Skynet and Sarah Connor were unavailable for comment.   In other news, Homeland security officials are heating up the battle against rampant illegal voting by undocumented immigrants. They are not letting the fact that there is no rampant illegal voting by undocumented immigrants stand in their way. Officials have referred about 10,000 of 49.5 million voter registrations to Homeland Security Investigations for further investigation. Tha...